Life’s a shitshow
I am typing this at 0235 in the morning. I think I have lost my mind, barely anything is going right. I haven’t got my shoes yet, I don’t have anything to showcase for my juniors. I am just waste of time and space. People here are doing marvellous stuff, going to prestigious universities, making stuff. And where am I? Sitting on my laptop late at night doing nothing. I am literally doing nothing. All I care about all day is whether she texted me or not. Whether I look good or not. Am I tall enough?
I have officially lost it. I am going through so much disrespect on daily basis. I should rather die. It’s not worth it. I am wasting my parent’s money. They have so much expectations with me. Why not just destroy everything. Enough of it already. I don’t think I can go on with this anymore.
I wanted to end this on a positive note, but there’s none. I don’t have nothing to actually look forward to. Might as well just destroy everything as usual. I am not talking to her no matter what happen. I am so over it. I am just done at this point. Do I really need to do it? It’s all been done before me, better, far far better. I hate everything I am surrounded by. I am going to the Medical Hospital tomorrow.
As for the future of this journal, it’s more of a safe space for me to vent everything. So I guess I’ll keep doing this, but I don’t think adding unnecessary details like what time I woke up at and what time I am going to sleep are going to help future Jatin in any way. Fuck him. Fuck me. Nothing matters anymore. It’s all over now. Starting afresh. I don’t care about what people say about me anymore.
And yeah, fuck you to all the people who have hurt me in any way. Whether it was accidental or you did it on purpose. Especially to you, my special someone. I hate you just a little bit more than I love you usually. And right now I hate you so much, it’s unreal. I wish you find this blog, and when you do, go through it and you’ll realize it, how much you matter to me and how much I have started to hate you after whatever happened. Maybe I loved you, maybe I didn’t. But one thing is for sure that I do hate you now. You’ve always chose other people over me. I know I am nothing more than a joke to you or for anyone for that matter. I always try to be a crowd pleaser. It has affected me since I came to lucknow. Time to change it now. I don’t care about anyone’s feeling now. All that matters now is that I will crush everything that comes in my path. The sole reason why I am living this life now is to hurt people. Hurt people who have wronged me. And anyone, whatsoever good intentions you have, I will crush you and tread over you like nothing happened.
I give no heed to whether my body or brain can take this much hate or anger, I will still execute it on people on which it should fall upon. Fuck everything. I am 19, my body can handle strains and situations which can prove disastorous to someone who is older or younger than me. So let’s do it. Fuck y’all.
